everyone around me worries about exams so much... no idea why. personally, i care not, for i have no plans for my life. i can't do anything anyway, even my rpgmaker projects have always been far below average - one had a boring story and exploited a built-in tileset... my autobiographical rpg was ultimately the only good project. alas, sudden problems with my old laptop led to its loss, and it probably won't ever be recovered. well, not like i ever had any ambitions to pursue with that game. it wouldn't measure up to smth like omori, even though it had a far more schizophrenic and twisted plot due to its reality.
truth be told, the rpg in question was supposed to be an attempt to enlighten people with the truth... the truth that their actions have no variety and will eventually end up in the only possible outcome. put simply, nothing matters AT ALL. like, why would it? someone'd surely counter with "nothing exists without a reason", but what's that claim even based on? like why'd singularity exist prior to the big bang then, why do stars, void exist lol? oxygen, organisms? it's us who attach a meaning to all that. nothing's there originally. we differ from animals due to our tendency to think too much. not just instinctively do we live, but out of boredom, too. other life forms lack that concept.
evolution started out of our boredom. clearly we just kept dying for a while until someone got bored watching this and decided to do something for the sake of giving birth to an interest. that's why we tend to accept life as smth interesting and meaningful, ig... and since death will put a stop to such an interesting pastime, we needed a self-preservation instinct, it seems. then there must be a "life's interesting" line written in our DNA. although if you, just like me, can't do anything, you'll eventually start thinking, and thinking too much, at that... it'll become obvious that all even slightly interesting things lead to an imminent death anyway, thus even the meaning of the self-preservation instinct is lost... so why do anything? the only thing left to do is to exist meaninglessly. and yet the pain still eats away at me... all the cool opportunities around me end up being so boring.